Wednesday, November 29, 2006
My direct supervisor, my boss chats so much he's the last one to leave everyday, when he doesn't have anything to say he always says the old saying: I think you should learn something …… I'll think about it …… when I was small, as soon as I heard these words I went nervous, my heart murmurs: …… what am I going to learn this time? …… finally, I've grown up, I'm not guilty, and I'm not afraid to crease my eyebrows and say to him: "Learn what?!" —— this is what happened today. Not only this, but I on an ignorant expression …… it was fun …… I stole a glance at my boss, his reaction was to laugh: Hey, you've gotten better haven't you. Hehe, my boss was a paper tiger …… if I found out earlier, I'd climb a wall, I wouldn't take off my shoes and go to bed, I'd just eat white sugar everyday.
Now I've grown up, the single benefit is my freedom, noone can force you to do anything anymore. The single disadvantage is you've got to be very self-disciplined. It's that kind of spontaneity to ask yourself to do something, if it can't be done, then you condemn yourself, a small guy in my head will say: Oh, you, you, you, how can you be like this, you don't have patience, you're drude and careless, your mind, your big headed-ness, you ignorant person …… rebelling against somone is a way of striving for freedom, my heart always has rises suddenly and I feel like it's right; it's easy to get depressed if you rebel against yourself, it's probably the kind of thing that Freud (弗洛伊德) talks about: going too far in developing myself. I heard the worst ones will get attracted to suicidal behaviour. But then, living away from this is positive and nice, but if you don't want it then there's a problem. And so if there was another small person, the other small person would say, no, no, no, there isn't a fixed pattern. People can live how they want, being afraid of the cold doesn't make them delicate and it isn't called: no, nervous, better, just wearing a bit more is enough: being crude and careless is called being unconcerned, I've heard it said that this is a virtue —— at least a lot of people say this: if you're not patient then don't keep suffering it, if you suppress your feelings and it causes a disaster then who's fault is it. Just turn your eyes and use your protective eyes to stare: Sha Te A Pu (沙特阿普), bye bye, and go to hell. What a nerve, go away ……………… the single problem is whether to turn hostile or stay defensive, throwing away your face is like throwing away water, if you want to bring it back, it's pretty hard …… ok, when you don't want to bring it back then bring it back. I've been talking in a roundabout way …… this is the reasoning if it's lacking in reason, since everything has another side to it. Think of it how you like, it's ok as long as noone blocks anyone else. Who knows.
My boss, is it ok to talk like this? …… the child you've taught, in any case, is her …… she pretty much still: honours her parents, is well-behaved, likes to study, improves everyday, is devoted to the people of her motherland, loves her united friends, is warm to her friends like the spring, has no enemies, has people making her their imaginary enemy …… I can't do anything about that. As long as everyone else is happy, happiness lies in giving help to others. And: cleverness, kindheartedness, honesty …… I can't say anymore, if I continue I'll feel embarassed, anyway it's not far from perfection …… and it isn't too close …… you can't be too perfect …… a lot of people have said, pursuing perfection will put you on the road to ruin, and there's the saying: an elegant tree in a forest …… a strong wind will push it away ……
Among the rotten eggs and tomatoes, before everything's smashed, I avoided it, with my friends from far away, asked for their schoolmates to take them to dinner. If this life is short, you must not stir up trouble, at the same time, be devoted to yourself —— I'm really beautiful, I'm really fantastic, let's all be egotistic ……
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
The work of judging the winners finished yesterday, there was almost no disputes over the big awards, on the other hand, there were non-stop arguments over the small awards. My colleagues on the judging committee are really likeable, they judged objectively and really showed how they followed the principles of the awards. Even as they got flushed as they argued one film over another, that didn't affect our personal relationships with each other. The final decision of course came down to the minority giving up to the majority. No awards have yet been given out, I'll keep this secret for now.
My work's finished, the shops have all closed too, the European work hours are really short. During a week they only spend about 3 whole days at work and at noon they have a really long afternoon lap. On Sunday, apart from the restaurant, everything's closed. I really don't know how their economy managed to develop.
The prices in Greece are relatively cheap, I've heard it said that this is due to Europe being the fourth kind of quality. On the first day they got here, Yi Bai Xiong (一白兄) and Xiao Wu Xian (小伍贤) walked all the way and only decided to take a taxi after they had both caught a cold. They later found out it only cost 20 RMB. They both left yesterday, it feels lonely all of a sudden.
I really miss my small kittens, my mum says that they're all fine, Wei Qun (围裙) gets naughtier everyday, Wei Bo Er (围脖儿) everyday plays the part of an experienced cat, giving special favour like a bullied little thing. I want to go home, home, home.
You get what you wish for, a few days ago I said I liked City of God (上帝之城), when I got here I met one of the directors of the film, she's also one of the members on the judging committee this time, a beautiful blonde girl. She looks a bit like Jodie Foster (朱迪福斯特), we really enjoyed talking to each other and we agreed to make a film together. Before she filmed City of God, she once filmed a documentary over four years about Brazilian youths dealing in drugs, there were two times when she was almost locked up in a police station, the reason being that she was so close to the drug dealers. When the film was premiered in Brazil, the police and drug dealers had a huge meeting. The second day after the premier finished, she was called to the police station again, for the same reason, it was both a really dangerous and really interesting kind of experience.
Before I wrote on this blog, the day before yesterday when I was on the way to watch a film I fell sprawled over the floor, I strictly said I was sprawled out sidewards, a few people walking by helped me stand up, I acted like it was nothing, quickly thanked the people who helped me and continued to run to the cinema. After I got in the cinema and lifted up the trouser leg, I saw I broke my knee. Up to now, it's still there.
I feel like I've got so many things to do, as I sit in front of the computer talking about this and that, I feel I can't concentrate. Soon, the president of the judging committee, the famous mother of independent film productions, Ms. Christian (克里斯汀) invited everyone for a meal. Bo Xue's (博学) ankle is inflamed so he hasn't got up yet, I heard from the people who ate earlier there there are a lot of things to eat today, I'm too lazy to go as well, I've got to arrange my luggage, the day after next, I set out, to return home.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
The film festival has only just dispersed, it seems I haven't been in my room for a long time, yesterday I was finally able to have a good sleep, the breakfast here is great.
It's really dry and there isn't even the moisture you get from a seaside city. It's similar to winter in Sydney.
For the time that I'm in Greece, I don't know how many days I've been here or how many days it'll be before I leave. The days are passing by pretty randomly.
Going online is so expensive, going online for one hour costs a huge 120 RMB.
My plans are really squeezed together, as soon as I'm starting to settle in one place, I have to rush somewhere else, it's all for fun, watching films is also fun, strolling down the streets is also fun, I'm really busy.
I really miss my small kittens, my mum says they're all doing great.
The chairs in the cinema aren't very comfortable.
If I write anymore I'll be talking in my sleep.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Translating 老徐 (A sailboat, a long coastline, old people selling lottery tickets, me, three pictures)
(Two more pictures on her blog)
(Three more pictures on her blog)
Sunday, November 19, 2006
I've journeyed for 25 hours 10 minutes now, going via Doha, Athens, finally arriving in Greece's second biggest city, Thessaloniki (萨洛尼克), as soon as I got to my hotel I went to wash and rinse myself, one hour later the film festival opening cermony started.
Before, two of the people who were doing the same thing as me found out at the airport that their visa wasn't enough and went back home. Unexpectedly, there are people as confused as I am. When people sympathesize they feel gratified inside, the thing that's the most pity is that they struggled to follow their plan all for nothing.
The first stop is Doha, you need to stay for about 8 hours before you can transfer flights, we three girls just went and strolled round the main streets, we encountered a private Arabian driver who followed us poor young people in a small sports car, on the other hand he didn't necessarily come to annoy us, it's just that he continuously went pass us, he was ogling at us. At that time it was 7 or 8 o'clock in the morning, this guy was seriously boring.
We were a bit scared, I heard that Arabian men don't treat women well …… in my heart, I'm scared if one of them will take us three girls to be sold off. But then whoever buys us will regret it, we're skinnier than anything, not even enough for one meal and we don't know how to work. They're better off finding someone fat, for instance a single girl who's waiting to be married like one of those students would be much more profitable.
There's a deep and calm, blue-green sea with a vague sea smell, there're a lot of people fishing, a kind old Arabian man proudly displayed his trophy fish to us, as expected he had a lot of fish. On the street, once in a while we occassionally see an Arabian woman hiding her face with a tightly wrapped, black piece of cloth, only leaving the eyes bare but still wearing sunglasses. There were also some faithful Indian women accompanying their husbands to their early morning exercise, quietly sitting on the side. There were quite a few foreign people exercising in the morning, wearing a small vest and shorts, looking like a pair of people striving hard, dripping wet from the sweat.
I took some photos, my camera's still charging, a little later in the night, I'll copy them here. It's now 8:15 in the morning local time, I need to go wash my face before I go for a walk.
Yesterday I had a really bad nightmare, I rarely wake up crying, in my dream, someone dear to me passed away, that friend came back to life, and said a well-known saying: don't feel bad, you should respect life. This is a completely reversed dream. When I woke up, I continued to cry for ages, my eyes became swollen from the tears. One by one I made the phone calls, everyone was alright, my heart was at rest.
Respect life. Is that respect life in itself? Or respect life's choices? According to my understanding of the friends who die, I reckon it's the latter. Of course, life in itself has choices of existence. Just leave the grieving to other people, after all other people are other people, while they're alive they are other people, when they're dead they mean even less. If there're a lot of egotistical people, then the chances to choose death are a lot fewer right? Moreover, after they've gone, will they come back? This is a worthy problem to carefully think deeply over.
Friday, November 17, 2006
I'm leaving tonight, I'm going to give everyone a detailed report of the first stage of the charity sale. This matter must be made completely transparent. I'll let everyone know exactly where their contributions have gone to, this is also the original motivation for me to set up this fund.
Soon, the charity sale will sell three pieces of clothing, Han Han's (韩寒), mine and Bo Xue's (博学) altogether collecting around 9000 RMB, in addition there's the person who doesn't wish to give out his name who has donated 50,000 RMB. It adds up to 59,000. The two people who bought the charity clothes also don't want to reveal their names, it seems everyone wants to be anonymous heroes, I'm very thankful.
I also want to thank Zhang Hong (长虹) who donated three sets of 5.1 home cinema sound systems, model number: AV-3008&SV-6115, three sets of earphones. And moreover, the president has show an interest in supporting this activity for a while.
Thanks to a publishing house, who wants to remain anonymous, for giving us specialist software for vocalising documents for the blind.
Thanks to another man who wants to remain anonymous. He is extraordinary with IT and he's promised to provide free maintainance and support for the computers in each school.
Thanks to TsingHua TongFang's (清华同方) discount prices: for 2840 RMB, they gave us this computer: Chao Yang (超扬) V210. Which is made of: CPU speed 3.0G, memory 256M, hard disk 80G, 17" monitor, sound card and video card integrated into the machine and with a silver-black colour case.
And there's AMD, who were eager to provide us with a lot of help and support.
Although there are many boring people in this world, there are more people with good intentions, I respect them.
The activities this time will provide these three braille schools will equipment, soon they will be delivered:
It comes to 9 computers, 9 copies of vocalising software, 9 earphones, 300 braille books. Of the 59,000 from careful counting and strict budgeting and adding on the enterprise's donation support, still remains a few thousand, we're leaving it for the next set of schools to use, they'll really survive well.
The difference between the three schools are: Zhang Jia Kou (张家口) special needs school. Shang Dong He Ze (山东荷泽) special needs centre. Shang Dong Lin Yi (山东临沂) special needs centre.
Ok, report finished and now I can go to Greece with my heart at ease. Once again thanks very much.
Our goal is to help blind people, we want to donate more than a hundred multimedia libraries to the special needs school. Right now we've only just started, the charity sale is still in progress, Rome wasn't built in a day, everyone continue working hard.
The charity sale and donation section's website: http://www.kaila.com.cn/shop/
I need to tidy my things before I leave, this journey is a long one. If while I'm on the road, someone battles with my land owner then that'll be great.
I really can't bare leaving my kittens.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
I've finally finished the five consecutive days of photography work, in the afternoon there was plenty of light in my bedroom.
There's quite a lot of housework to do, I need to arrange food and drink for the three darling kittens while I'm away. I need to take a lot of things to Greece, camera, videocamera, computer, make-up bag, formal clothes and everyday clothes. I feel like collapsing.
But then, I'm still looking forward to going to Greece, I always hear about the beautiful rumours going on there. It's a pity I don't have time to stay for a couple of more days. I need to come back home when I finish work. To begin with, I wanted to hibernate over winter, I didn't think that instead, the end of the year is when I'd have the biggest mix of things to do. I've got no choice but to push myself and get through this, It's good that in a few more years it'll be quiet when I'm in my middle years. Every so often I always have to push myself like this, having the peace and quiet once I'm in my middle and late years seems as if it's the best reward. Anyway, whenever I think about this, my worries come to an end. I don't want to think deeper about these things, I'm tired from rushing everything, moreover there's no point in thinking about all this, if I think too much I'll instead confuse myself. I'll sunbathe and eat white sugar. Possibly a phrase meaning ignorance is bliss (我晒太阳我吃白糖)
Wei Qun's (围裙) caught a bit of a cold …… he sneezes and has a runny nose, I'm worried for him …… in the afternoon I'll give him an injection.
My friend Gong Zhe (宫哲) is also taking part in the charity sale, everyone knows her right? She starred in You and Me 《我们俩》 as that little girl, her original specialty was shooting films, she's currently still studying in the Central Academy of Fine Arts (中央美术学院), I've talked about her before. I've taken a few photos of her, as below:
(Another photo at 老徐's blog)
She took the photos she's taken, put them in a photo frame and brought them for the charity sale. When I see her, I often think about myself. That year, if I got what I wished for and passed the exams for the Fine Arts school, I'd be pretty much like her, that's why I feel close to her.
This is an extremely cute girl, she laughs like a small idiot （why haven't I been able to find the photo of her looking like a small idiot, let me keep looking）, when she's not laughing, she always seems to be thinking something and staring into the distance. She's very much like me in terms of that —— I don't mean to boast, I just want to show a few facts, that's all ……
Very soon, the managers will take her film-produced work to be sold for charity and take it to the back of the fresh flowers village (鲜花村) shop. Please, everyone pay attention to it.
How come noone is boasting for me saying I took the pictures well? Boast quickly ……
Monday, November 13, 2006
Wei Qun (围裙), such a small thing, is not only growing, but she sleeps with little Wei BoEr (围脖) like a husband and wife.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
I bought this in Hong Kong, the brand is: BCBG. I wore it when I was in charge of the Chinese Movie awards.
I've suddenly felt that I'm not full of things to say. Silence is golden.
The dream of managing a magazine when I was a little is one which was most like a normal dream. Gathering things that I think are the most interesting for everyone to see, using an alias to write articles, recently, for no reason I feel like starting an electronic magazine.
Busy again and again. I went away for a couple of days without my computer, I haven't blogged for a while.
While I was at the charity fair at the fresh flowers village there were lots of technical problems, I was anxiously waiting unable to help, not understanding a thing. Whoever bought my white dress and my schoolmate Han's (韩) racing clothes, please speak out, because behind the scenes they couldn't find your information, so there's no way to get in touch with you. I seriously apologise. For details, please see http://www.kaila.com.cn/Index.shtml for the notice on the left side of the webpage.
From selling these two pieces of clothing, we sent two computers to the braille school. Thank you very much.
There will soon be even more things that are sold at the charity fair, for the people who are interested, please come and see.
The new name on my MSN is: an IT idiot making a website. Tonight, I found an able guy to attend the classes with me, the course starts at 21:30.
I can't believe it, why is it so hard?
After another busy week, I'll set out on my trip to Greece, it's just that hearing the temperature isn't that different from here is a bit depressing, if it was a bit warmer then it'd be perfect.
Of course, nothing is ever perfect, perfection is only a kind of wish.
Finally, heating is coming to my home, I can finally get away from the cold, it was so cold I didn't want to leave my bedroom.
Also: People want to see my baby kitten's photo …… but I'm angry now, because people have said recently I've been talking about nothing but the kitten, playing with trivial things prevents someone from reaching their goal. This blog is very unhappy, if everyone cries really really really loudly …… tomorrow I'll go to the trouble of putting on two pictures ……
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Mum's new friend, aunty Xiao Xin (小新) was her middle school schoolmate, she was the one who introduced my mum and my dad at their wedding, she has a pair of cute twin grandchildren, arriving as guests at my house.
There are already two small kittens, if two more identical babies come, then home won't be lively the way it normally is, as soon as the two babies entered the room they went and sat at the piano straight away and started playing a tuneless four-handed duet. As they played, they watched us laughing at them, with their two small fat cheeks jumping up and down, after playing for a bit they lost patience. One of them had their bottom firmly sat in Button's (扣子) nest while immediately taking off his shoes and getting ready for an afternoon nap, the other one was using all his strength to break my electric fish's tail and then often throwing it on to the floor, when he saw the cat he was happy for ten minutes, the kitten was a bit shy, constantly hiding and ignoring the baby, the baby became really unhappy, his small lips opened up, and he started crying.
It's the first time children have come here, the environment was perfect for a while, the adults busy running around in circles, a room full of happy faces.
Their dad really is an adult now, the last time I saw him, he was still a primary school boy, now he's become a dad with a pair of 15 month-old twins.
Speaking about this, I know some people will be urging me again, don't press me, don't press me, it's not the right time yet, Lao Xu is still small.
Taiwan recently is really in a mess. Mr Ah Bian (阿扁) this time is going against the majority, and his wife is suspected of corrupting the country "confidential expenses" 14.8 million New Taiwan dollars has already been formally sued for, when this is finished the people will be living in fear.
Soon we'll understand it all, I don't understand how people rise and fall so much, people which have understood have already said, they're all phantoms. In the end, it's all about dreams. They're all plans to stir up trouble, you should put down what should be put down. Don't fight it. The past and the future are all phantoms, still it's good to be aware of the here and now.
Right here, right now, there's a big wind blowing. Mum's original plan for a day trip had to be cancelled, she took her friends and her friend's children and grandchildren here to play, now they've gone. My home's really warm, the wind can't blow inside, it's comfortable. Right here, right now, I'm scrawled over my computer desk, the two cats and babies are really well-behaved, they're asleep again. Right here, right now, everything's good, the only thing that's lacking is something to bother me, though there are plenty of things to distrub me, although there aren't really that many.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Although it's a late congratulations, it still needs to be congratulate, director Lu Re's (吕乐) film '13 Paulownia trees'《十三棵泡桐》 was given the Manchurian film festival's critic society award.
Mr Lu Re is modest, when it was being covered by the news, other people told him I was saying good things about him, he said it was because I'm his friend. In fact, that's not the reason. People who are really good are just really good, I'm not yet that empty-headed. And he said it might be because I watched the complete edition, this implies that when the film was inspected there were some parts that were cut. Maybe, but I really didn't see any right or wrong parts that needed to be cut out. Early love? Teacher-student love? Alright …… we all don't fall in love early. If only not so much of it was cut.
Also on the other hand I've been thinking of which films made in China I like the most, the only one I can think of straight away are 'In the Heat of the Sun' 《阳光灿烂的日子》, now, I can think of another one. Apart from these kind of films: they're all about growing up. But they're also two completely different styles 'In the Heat of the Sun' is filled with the passion and dreams of that decade, '13 Paulownia trees', calm, cruel, full of sorrow, and he also captured all this perfectly within the limits. In the flood of all kinds of flying-around fighting and joking scripts, in the near future it'll be really hard to find a worthy Chinese film.
When the film was showing I strongly recommended everyone to go and watch it. If this film gets high box-office sales, I will think there's a point to continue to make films.
I'm definitely not exaggerating.
Monday, November 06, 2006
There are busy people and there are idle people.
Student Bo (博学) has got a bit tired now, when he hears something he frowns, too much work. Small sister Juicy Peach (水蜜桃) has gone on her honeymoon to Yunnan, Wang Wang (大汪汪) and Dr Du (杜博士) are also going there early tomorrow morning to join in the fun, their lives are going a little bit too well aren't they? ……
Now I'm the Beijing person on guard duty, even if it all fell over it wouldn't be a big thing, apart from occasionally popping out my head, showing that I'm still there, chatting about some events and staring at documentary films for new events, I'm staying at home everyday enjoying life, and I've gotten used to a habit of only tidying up now and then, I've finally going in the direction of Cancer.
Back to talking about my home, my family is now three: Wei BoEr (围脖儿), Button (扣子) and me. Us three very often form a triangle shape in the middle of the room, each one lord of their corner looking around at the others, Wei BoEr and Button often look like they're fighting, they run around the room madly chasing each other. Button looks very much like he's had enough of me, whoever's taller has the control, actually they've found a secret passageway behind my bed, one of them wasn't taking care and went from one bedstand straight into the other bedstand. We're gradually getting closer. Today I took him to cut his nails, after waiting for Miss Juicy Peach (水小姐) come back, I guess that Button won't even recognise her anymore. Thinking about this, I've decided, unless I get a million, I definitely won't leave Wei BoEr at someone else's home to be looked after, it's a pity, always having to adapt to a new environment, I'm not planning on exercising him anyway, or it'll be very frustrating to keep up the training. If he isn't big, then he wouldn't be special. Eating, drinking and playing happily throughout his life, he will be really happy. How unlucky a child he is ……
Today I took Button to cut his nails, a few two-month old English short-fur cats have arrived at the petshop, they're very cute, I really wanted to carry one home, my conscience said, you won't become one of those old ladies taking care of loads of cats will you? …… I carefully thought for a while, if I didn't I do this then maybe …… I'd get a bit addicted.
About documentaries, I'm helping my friend to film a documentary about the fate of an old house. It'll take at least half a year to film, it's started for more than a month already, I've never done filming work for as long as this.
Oh there's more, in the home of my idol I saw the picture of ShiJaMoNi (释迦摩尼), with a long beard, he didn't very much look like my impression of the Buddha ancestors, that old man doesn't have to have a round face and large earlobes, but he grew sideburns and was a smart middle-aged person —— my words aren't offensive I hope …… the original picture is now stored in the British Museum.
My idol says: Buddha is not god, just a person, a person who has understood.
In the middle of next month, I'm going to Greece, I'm going to act as the commission for that film festival, I'll spend my holiday while I'm there.